n Those of you who know me, know that I prefer to set an intention for the coming year rather than a 'resolution'. The reasoning why is because I feel an intention is in many ways a lot more forgiving than a resolution can be.
A resolution is usually one concrete goal, an intention is several abstract ones being formed all at once. Oftentimes I find that finding a general direction to aim towards is more helpful when accomplishing goals, because I don't end up beating myself up for performing less than perfect if we fall short of that resolution (which is natural and to be expected, as our resolutions are usually things that don't come as naturally to us).
After much thought and meditation, the intention for 2019 has revealed itself for me. In some ways it feels like intentions are not chosen; They arise naturally, effortlessly, as desire often does... The evolution of consciousness gives rise to new desires, and as new desires are honored they give rise to further expansion of consciousness, new obstacles, and new circumstances to create.
Discipline, my intention of 2019, has in truth taken all of the prior year to form. My life in recent years has been complete chaos, and each time my world has been shaken, turned upside down, or otherwise gone flying out of grasp, I have allowed the turmoil to misdirect me from my path.
It has been brought to my awareness that the lasting security I seek is not going to come from external circumstances; Or at least, that is not where lasting peace truly begins.
It's easy to tell yourself that the successful people you look up to are that way because their lives are in perfect order; What's not easy is to consider that their lives became as successful as they are because they have mastered the art of single-minded determination to continue on their path, regardless of how chaotic their lives are.
It becomes a sort of chicken-egg scenario, where it is impossible to tell which came first; a person's single-mindedness or the security that inevitably seems tied to it. The more time goes by, the more I am starting to think that security begins with determination, and any positive results that happen all occur because this single-mindedness remained despite life's crazy shifts.
My idea of discipline is likely going to be different than that of what is expected societally. The typical notion of discipline is one of moving forward, oftentimes at the loss of other aspects of your life.
The sort of drive I am seeking is not of simply working hard, but of working wisely. This means it will be absolutely necessary to be flexible, and to develop keen awareness of the difference between trying to fly when you are a fish, and trying to fly when you are a fledgeling.
This also means becoming even better at filling my own cup, so that my hard work does not feel like it is taking away from other aspects in my life. As I fill my own cup, I am able to give more, which leads to feeling more abundant and thus filling my own cup, and it becomes a positive snowball effect!
As I type this I can also sense a dynamic of seeking to integrate the various polarizations that arise within myself in regards to discipline.
For example, on one end of the extreme I want my life to flow, to be smooth, and to not have to fight for anything... My life just flows on without any real need for action, almost as if I just float through life like a cloud. On the other end of the extreme I do not want anything given to me that is not earned, and if external circumstances arise that oppose me, I almost lean into it because it is an opportunity to take a stand for myself, to show other people who I am.
Likewise, there is an extreme of becoming so absorbed in a project that I lose all sense of direction in my other aspects of life, to the extent where it takes me time to acclimate and regain my sense of self again. On the flip side there is a tendency to completely avoid things that I tend to get enthralled in even when my avoidance proves to be detrimental and, ultimately, destructive.
And finally, a societal pull I feel of working hard to the complete bypassing of your needs, both physical and emotional; to on the flip side, making absolute sure that your physical and emotional needs will not be neglected that there is a complete rejection and suppression of the aspects of oneself that is driven, motivated, and willing to put in effort towards goals that may not immediately give rewards.
Both contrasts of the polarization are an inaccurate representation of reality, and so it becomes a lose-lose scenario that naturally sets a person up for failure!
...Recognizing our inner polarity is a beautiful and crucial part of growth, because the reality of a situation oftentimes lies somewhere in the middle of the polarity. To find your personal truth in regards to something, you must take a look at the individual aspects of both sides of a polarity within yourself. You then choose to consciously embrace the best aspects of each side, while becoming aware of your tendencies for the worst aspects of both.
For example, I may not see the positive in working so hard that I bypass most of my emotional and spiritual needs because I have a belief that this complete bypassing of emotional and physical needs leads to these needs being met in unconscious and hurtful ways.
For example, I may have had a father who works so hard that he ends up miserable, then comes home and abuses his family. He does so because he subconsciously resents how members of his family don't need to work as hard to get their physical and emotional needs met. The father's abuse is a subconscious way for him to have the way he feels to be known to those close to him. By seeing his loved ones in pain when he abuses them, he subconsciously is validated by the fact that they finally understand, even for a little bit, how he feels all the time.
Even though I may have resistance to the trait of working so hard that I bypass my needs because of the above reason, I can see the beauty in having the ability to set yourself aside for the greater good (which is what a person who works themselves to death believes they are doing, regardless of how they act outside of their work). In fact, I can see the potential for working at the sacrifice of oneself to potentially lead to this weakness, so I can choose to develop the trait of setting myself aside for the greater good whilst being mindful and watchful if signs begin to arise of resentment towards others, or of becoming manipulative.
I find it interesting how the word Discipline is integrally linked to the word 'Disciple'. A Disciple can be defined as a follower of any teacher, leader, or philosopher (though is typically used to describe Jesus' followers). By calling the intention of Discipline forwards, it is necessary to take a look at who I follow.
Any time a person is put up on a pedestal, there is meaning assigned to that person (If a person is hated, meaning is also assigned to that person). A person can be loved or hated almost instantaneously due to the principles, ideas, and concepts we assign to that person, and so as I find myself asking who I follow, I am brought further to the question of what ideas, concepts, and principles I follow.
Interestingly enough, this understanding of finding which ideas guide a person forward is integral to finding their drive; This drive does not change based on external circumstances.
To myself, I ask:
What ideas have shaped who you are? How can you be an embodiment of these traits in the world, not as an abstract idea, but as an active, breathing, living example? Why do you follow these traits? Are they serving your highest good? If not, is there an unmet need that could be met in a more direct manner?
I believe that seeking this center will be an ongoing process of this year. I imagine, as in past years, this process will involve the deeper awareness of discovering what is constant, and what is transient. This year will be a process of building upon rock or upon sand, and having the awareness and flexibility to rebuild if I build on, say, sandstone (which still is susceptible to crumble).
While I didn't realize at the beginning of this post how integral discipline is with self-trust. The theme of self-trust entered my awareness multiple times throughout the writing of this post. Discipline is in fact built upon self-trust, because it's only by trusting your choices and the direction you intend to guide yourself can you really be loyal to those actions in the long haul.
As always, stay strong everyone!
I wish you all a beautiful 2019!
Peer into my life...
Hi! My name is Tessa Rae. A Tesserae is a piece in a mosaic. All souls are one aspect of the massive mosaic that is life on earth...